Become a Fan of the UnplannedApr 13, 2022
I’ve become a fan of the unplanned 🤯
Yes! This One, this perfectionist, is no longer scared of the unexpected.
On this last trip, I was amazed that
1️⃣ I can now take a plane without stressing,
2️⃣ spill my tea in front of someone I look up to without chastising myself all day for it and
3️⃣ make last minute decisions and trust that I’ll be ok no matter what because I’ve got me!
You can listen to this week’s episode of The Enneagram One Project podcast HERE to hear all about how you can do it too!
In this week’s episode, you will learn:
Why it’s good for us to become fans of the unplanned
- We get to bypass the overthinking
- We get to practice the skill of letting go of what we can’t control
- We get to build self trust
I’ll even show you how you can lean into becoming a fan of the unplanned
- By working with your brain, not against it
- By starting small and
- By giving yourself permission to pause the experiment whenever you need
Work with me: https://www.dominiquevandal.com/work-with-me
The Enneagram One Project Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theenneagramoneproject
Welcome every One, you are listening to The Enneagram One Project Podcast, Ep 15 - Become a Fan of the Unplanned
I just had the best experience ever this last week and I think I owe it in part to becoming a fan of the unplanned. Yes, even as a perfectionist, even as an enneagram one, it is possible to lean into the unexpected.
I’m not saying you need to run into the discomfort but you may want to consider opening up to the possibility that something wonderful, bigger, better or more interesting might happen in the unplanned moments and that is worth intentionally soothing your nervous system and the drama your brain will present to you to keep you safe.
Remember, your brain wants to keep you safe at all cost and that often times means not making space for the new or the unexpected.
In today’s episode, I will share why becoming a fan of the unplanned is expansive for us Ones and also where to even begin if it sounds like something you’d like to do as well.
Now for me, I didn’t have a roadmap or framework. That actually sounds counter to the point to have a structure to help you become a fan of the unplanned. I’ll just say here that I don’t think you need to put yourself in complete discomfort to create small but impactful shifts in your life.
If a plan helps you to open up to the unplanned because you see it as a cushion or a bit of safety on in this unknown journey then I am all for it.
As I said, I wasn’t striving for this at all in my life but it dawned on me this last week that many of the goals I had set for myself made room for this beautiful byproduct. And honestly, it’s liberating and makes unforeseen obstacles so much easier for me to handle.
Here’s how I became aware of this shift for me. I was just at a conference for the coaching school where I certified and it was the absolutely most pleasant experience for me and I was shocked because at some point in my adult life I developed anxiety of crowds and nothing, I really had a blast.
I made very few plans for this event/holiday, not on purpose, mostly because I didn’t make the time to do it before leaving and it wasn’t a problem. In the past, I’d have planned most of the day’s activities, especially where I’d be eating, all of the things but not this time.
When my friend asked Tuesday night if I wanted to go for a hike Wednesday morning I was ready to say no. I don’t do hikes. Instead I asked myself what would be the gain and if it outweighed my concerns and it did. Now there was a little back and forth, it’s not as if I magically said yes to all the things, but I figured hey, why not. I didn’t have the right outfit, the right shoes, the right equipment but we made it work. I made it work.
I chose to calm my brain a lot at the beginning as I was getting ready because it really thought I was headed for disaster. It offered it all “Dom, you’re going to get hurt on this trail, you don’t hike, you’re so out of shape you won’t be able to keep up, you’ll slow her down, you don’t want to slow her down” I mean it really threw everything at me. To each I responded with “yes, that might happen, and I’ll be fine even if it does”.
What?!!? That’s not a sentence I’d have said in the past. I knew there was no way I’d be able to pretend to be good at this, zero and so I wasn’t afraid that I’d be found out for being not that good. I chose to calm myself, be vulnerable with my friend, tell her what I believed to be my truth. I told her I was all in if she was ok with maybe having to go slower than her usual. So freeing. Here’s me, no fluff, take it or leave it, I’ll be fine either way.
So I went on a hike, I supported myself however I could before by choosing mismatched clothing that would keep me physically comfortable, but mostly calming my brain when it offered one of those thoughts. I had so much fun. I enjoyed company from 2 of my dearest friends, I moved my body more than I had in some time and it felt great. My body let me know when it was too much and I listened and it also told me it could still do a lot more than I gave it credit for and I listened. I wouldn’t have had this level of connection with these two ladies and I wouldn’t have had this experience with my body if I had refused to do something unplanned.
Why it’s good for us
Becoming a fan of the unplanned is so good for us perfectionists because we get to develop trust in ourselves. What happens is that we can’t overthink the event or situation and if we have the tools to notice the brain’s attempts at keeping us safe by trying to scare us, then we can soothe it.
When your brain tries to keep you safe, it will offer very reasonable ideas and thoughts, it will often seem to you that you are being smart, wise and discerning. More often than not, those are limiting beliefs. They limit you from going after your next expansion.
These unplanned experiences allow us to practice the skill of letting go of what we can’t control. Those are the things that scare us aren’t they? We can’t control how others see us, we can’t control how an event will unfold, we can’t control what’s outside of us which is why we hold on so tightly to showing up perfectly, it’s a false sense of security. If there’s nothing I didn’t plan for, nothing I do incorrectly, then others can’t cast me out, talk about me and if there’s nothing I didn’t plan I control all of it. It’s downright exhausting.
Let’s take the hike for instance, some of the things I couldn’t control included the weather, how much my body would sweat, if my friends who had never met would get along, if the terrain became too hard for me. I’m being totally honest with you because if all of these things came to my mind, I imagine some of them would be concerns for at least some of you.
In the past, I would have obsessed over all of these possible issues, finding ways to micro manage. This time, I let them go. What I could control and control is a harsher term than I want to use here, it’s more like what I could decide on and follow through with, was my experience of whatever happened. Control implies that I might force myself to believe something I didn’t believe and that’s never something I advocate. I did decide I would find ways to enjoy myself, check in with my body and connect with my friends. I absolutely followed through on each of those and my experience was really great.
The outcome of not having the chance to overthink and letting go of what you can’t control is deeper self trust. Things will happen that you didn’t anticipate, and you’ll surprise yourself at how well you can manage and maybe even have more fun with whatever comes your way that was unplanned. The more you make room for this to be a possibility, the more often you show yourself how deeply capable you are, not as a facade but really, truly, and completely. This brings me to where you could start in order to plan for becoming a fan of the unplanned.
Where to start
1. See what your brain does naturally and work with it not against it
What I shared with you today is where my brain typically goes when it tries to keep me safe. Yours might go there as well but it might go somewhere entirely different. What is that for you? What limiting beliefs will it flood your head with in order to keep you safe? For some of you it might be highly focused on making sure you are physically safe, that you stay within your group or what others think of you.
Just start taking notes whenever you go to do something unplanned, what does your very smart brain start to think about?
2. Start small putting yourself in situations on purpose
In order to build a bit of comfort for the unplanned, you need to start going toward it. I recommend doing it in small doses as you build your capacity to be in those moments and situations. You can do this in so many ways. You can ask a friend to invite you to something that’s already predetermined but not knowing when they’d ask you to go. See what I did there? Not every single aspect needs to be unplanned. Start with an aspect at a time if you have to. It’s just like a muscle and you will grow it by doing.
3. Remember you can do whatever you want, stop the experiment, get out of the room, etc
This is really key because there’s not medal for doing the unplanned perfectly, that’s not an actual thing. You are giving consent to yourself to do this experiment AND you can take back consent at any time. Just to give you an example, I just went to that conference I mentioned earlier. It was in the US and I came in from Canada, I had no idea what to expect in terms of covid safety measures. The organizers had certain measures in place but it was at a hotel so honestly, I had no idea what people would do. I gave myself permission to leave at any time if I no longer felt safe. That’s always available to you even if you are working toward a goal such as becoming a fan of the unplanned.
I really love being able to help perfectionists build that self trust and help drop the shame of not living up to perfection. Becoming a fan of the unplanned is such a fun and light way to do that.
I hope this discussion sparked some ideas, maybe even some goals and projects that you could incorporate becoming a fan of the unplanned into. I am having a blast using small and big projects to be more of myself, deepen my own self trust and take up space in this world. If that sounds like something you’d like for yourself as well then you’ll want to check out the work with me tab on my website. You’ll find everything you need to schedule a first call with me over at dominiquevandal.com/links where you can select the work with me tab.
Until next time, love to each and every One!
Thank you so much for listening to The Enneagram One Project podcast, your go-to podcast for all things One.
If you’re wanting to integrate what you’re learning here and be supported by your very own personal Enneagram One life coach then I invite you to head over to my website dominiquevandal.com look at the top of the page for the work with me tab. Let’s make your Oneness your greatest gift! Can’t wait to meet you!
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