How to Be SELF Guided During the Holidays

Our household has been hit with whatever bug is going around so I will make this super short and sweet.

On this week’s podcast, I present a way to keep yourself SELF guided during the Holidays, best of all, you can do it in less than 5 minutes!

The 3 steps are super simple, here’s your sneak peak ⤵️

Step 1: Discover what your concerns are about the special events coming up

Pencil to paper, voice meme to self, doodling, whatever you need to express your concerns in a way that you can refer back to them is all you need.

Quick Tip: For me, I already know that if I let my brain tell me all its concerns, I am very likely to spin out, create worst case scenarios which then creates this anxiety loop. So here I would put a timer on and remind myself that I can always take a step back if this exploration gets to be too much for my nervous system. Ask yourself what your default brain behavior is so you can plan for that before this step.

Step 2: Decide what you want to use your time, energy and focus for

If you don’t decide what’s important to you, the default concern your brain is aware of is what will be its focus. That means it keeps looking for evidence that it’s right in the matter. By deciding where you want to focus regarding this moment you’re concerned with, your brain will follow. Meaning your brain could be worried about the tableware but if you want to focus on connection, deciding will create more opportunity for that to be your experience.

Quick Tip: Take some grounding breaths to be more settled as you tap in, it’s likely that bringing your concerns to mind has activated your nervous system a little.

Step 3:  Find quick ways to bring you back whenever you are out of alignment

There are no limits to what step 3 could be. What’s a simple, quick and easy thing you could do to bring you back to your intention in the moment? 

Quick Tip: Use what’s available to you already, consider your body and your environment for ideas ie: I can put things on my body as reminders such as wearing a bracelet that reminds me of my intention whenever I play with it, I can put some art pieces with inspirational words that I can easily see throughout the event. I can play music that grounds me as background while we mingle. What could you do? 

For more details and an example to follow as I describe the steps, tune in to this week’s episode HERE.

Transcript

How to be SELF guided during the Holidays

Hello everyone and welcome to the 5th episode of season 1 of SELF guided. I’m in the midts of taking care of myself and my family as we all got whatever bug has been going around. 

As I get this podcast ready, I want to find a way to provide the most impact I can in as little as I can and since the holidays are just around the corner or maybe they’ve already started for you, I thought it would be great to address how you can remain or continue or support yourself to be SELF guided during the holidays. What I love about this though is that even though I’m talking about maintaining your SELF guided-ness during the holidays, you can come back to this episode whenever you have a special event coming up.

I also want to tell you about an exclusive offer I have for the month of November. We’ve been talking about doing self-development differently because the approach you take is life-changing. If we stop going at it from a need to fix ourselves then we actually move towards our desires and build a magnificent relationship with ourselves making it easier and easier to be SELF guided. 

Special November 2022 Offer

What I’ve noticed, first in myself and then in my clients is that we can have a self-improvement to-do list, a checklist or sorts. We make this list out of really good intentions and then we never get through the list, we never get though it and get to the good part. You keep living with this pressure to get things right and finish the darn list and when you do mark something off the list, it’s replaced within a really short period of time. Honestly, if you’re tired or struggling with your self-improvement to-do list then the Breakthrough sessions I’m offering in November are for you! We’ll look at the checklist together and find where to focus your time and energy so you can get through that to-do list in record time. We spend 75 minutes on a call together, super intimate, high touch, then co-create a customized solution and you get email support from me for 28 days to really anchor your breakthrough. If you want to see what’s possible for YOU, go to dominiquevandal.com/breakthrough to book your session, that’s dominiquevandal.com/breakthrough. As I said this is for November only, and there’s a total of 10 spots available so make sure you grab one early if this feels right for you.

Ok now let’s talk about being SELF guided during the Holidays. If you’ve been having some success in being SELF guided, first, well done, I hope you take the time to celebrate yourself. Second, I know that whenever situations change, there’s a moment of dis-equilibrium, a time of transition and a time for adjustment. 

For me, if I’m not self-aware, I can easily fall into disconnection with SELF. Transition periods seem to be the hardest for me so I’m sure it is for many of you as well. The holidays is a time of transition for me which is great because I can support myself ahead of time which you probably know by now, I am a big fan of. 

What I’ve noticed is that I’ll start to focus on the people I’ll be hosting, the prep I think is necessary to make events come happen. I’ll start to put some of my daily practices that allow for deeper self-awareness to the side because I sense a challenging time ahead and my default is to start planning and basically overthink what’s ahead. Now the less I do my practices (and no they don’t have to be long at all) but the less I do them, the more disconnected I am and the more I start to react as opposed to respond to what’s in front of me.

While that’s the behaviors I’ve noticed in myself, I wonder what they are for you. Take a breath here before continuing, in fact, I’ll pause with you and ask you again: when you know a special event is coming up, what behaviors do you default to? In what ways do you find yourself disconnecting from SELF?

Now if I were perfect, which I’m not, I would simply stay consistent with my daily embodiment practices. Truth is, even right now, before the holidays even start, I am not always able to do a daily embodiment practice. Take this last month, partner was sick, kids were sick, I was sick all at different times and I did not do my formal practices. I did however lean on informal moments, pockets during the day where I would pause and sink deeper in my experience with breath, movement or sound.

3 Steps to be SELF Guided During the Holidays

Let’s look at 3 steps that make all the difference if you can find 5 minutes in your day to pause and tap in. You don’t have to do each step one after the other, you can do this at your own pace. If you can devote more time then that’s fine. What I wanted to offer you today was a quick practice because it’s possible to have a lot of insight and to support ourselves even with limited time. So if you like mini challenges, this could be an invitation to see what you can do for you with just 5 minutes. The 3 steps are 1) discovering what your concerns are 2) deciding what you want to use your time and energy for and 3) finding quick ways to bring you back. 

What does this really look like and how can you start using this today so that you’re SELF guided throughout the holidays. 

Step 1: Discover your concerns

If we start with step 1, discovering your concerns. What comes to mind for you? For me, I already know that if I let my brain tell me all its concerns, I am very likely to spin out, create worst case scenarios which then creates this anxiety loop. So here I would put a timer on and remind myself that I can always take a step back if this exploration gets to be too much for my nervous system. 

That’s what I know about myself so I won’t deny what I’ve seen as my default brain behavior, I will account for it. This is a bit of a tangent but it’s super important, it’s how you meet yourself where you are, how you are, to better support yourself. It’s not a judgement, whatever you’ve noticed as your brain’s default behavior does not have to be a problem; you can observe it and support yourself.

I like pencil to paper for this step but there’s no right or wrong way to do it. In fact, you may want to do this as a voice memo for yourself, or draw it, whatever seems like a fulfilling invitation to you. As long as you can understand what you’ve noted so that you can refer back to it, that’s all you need here. I’ll share one of my concerns with you now and show you how I use steps 2-3 with that same concern. 

One of my concerns when hosting is that they’ll notice how inept I am at hosting. Now, I know this isn’t factual but that is a concern I have. We could poke holes in this statement and tap into a deeper knowing but we’re just going to take it at face value for now and see what we can do with it in less than 5 minutes.

Step 2: Decide where to put your focus, time and energy

Once I have listed my concerns, I take some grounding breaths to be more settled. I do this because I know that listing my concerns sometimes activates a nervous response so my goal is to regulate my nervous system before I do step 2, deciding what you want to use your time, energy and focus for.

If I don’t choose where I want to use my time, energy and focus, my brain will find evidence that I’m a poor host and that the people I’m hosting can totally tell how bad of a host I am. During much of our time together, facial expressions will be interpreted to foster this story I’ve already built. I will be distracted by every misstep I might make so on and so on. 

If I choose where I want to use my time, energy and focus, I make space for a different experience altogether. What’s important to me, when I’m being honest, is not all of the things my brain would normally prepare me for in that spinning out I mentioned earlier which normally would be about the superficial planning; it’s actually that we be in each other’s presence and that I get to know them more intimately. That’s it. I can’t really plan for this in my mind, it’s what happens in the moment. 

When I do step 2, there are 2 things that tend to happen. For one, I easily let go of things that actually don’t matter to me and second, I notice I feel much more self-assured because these are the things I can do. As a bonus, when I send my attention to the things that matter to me, and this won’t be the case for everyone, but for me because those things are usually connection, that means that even my own self judgement falls away some. I’m focused on something far greater and in itself grounding.

Step 3: Plan to bring yourself back

Now I’ve played with both trusting that having done steps 1-2 are enough for my intention to work its magick and with having a little built-in insurance with a fallback plan. I use plan loosely here. Being that I am human, I’m probably going to have moments where I stray from my intention so I help myself by doing step 3, finding quick ways to bring me back.

There are no limits to what step 3 could be. I imagine there are as many ways as there are humans. What’s a simple, quick and easy things you could do to bring you back to your intention in the moment? I plan on using my body and my environment. That sounds terrible. Let me explain. I can put things on my body as reminders such as wearing a bracelet that reminds me of my intention whenever I play with it, I can put some art pieces with inspirational words that I can easily see throughout the event. I can play music that grounds me as background while we mingle. What could you do? 

The way that I can best describe this 3-step process is as a top off to the groundwork you’ve already done. Will I find and even create more time and space for embodiment practices during the holidays, yup, I plan to and I also know that this mini practice will be enough to support me, until this special event has passed. Start by identifying the concerns, decide where you actually want to direct your focus, time and energy and find ways that will easily bring you back.

That is what I have for you today. Don’t forget, if you’re struggling to finish your self-development to-do list, book a breakthrough session with me this November, let’s set you free from that pressure so you can enjoy your life now.

Until next time,

Love to each and everyone