How to support ourselves daily as Ones

podcast simple tools Jan 19, 2022
The Enneagram One Project

A practical episode to help Ones support themselves daily with their knowledge of the Enneagram One type, mindset tools and embodiment techniques.

 

There are 3 things that I try to do everyday because I am more of my true self when I support myself in those ways. Less of the ego, more of my true self.

 

Tool 1: self-coaching

 

Self-coaching is a form of self inquiry and awareness where you see what’s in your head space and ask yourself questions to dismantle whatever does not serve you.

 

Write down everything you see in your brain. This can look like choosing a topic and free flowing on it specifically or really anything that’s floating around in your brain.

 

The way I’ve adapted my self coaching as a One is that I’ve added the embodied piece. 

 

Most often the thoughts that don’t serve me are thoughts that lead me to spinning out or staying stuck in my head in some way. I’ve decided to enlist the rest of my body to help me out when that happens. So when I notice frustration, anger, or resentment as being the emotion I feel, I’ll move my body so that the emotion is fully expressed and processed without anyone, even myself, getting caught in the storm.

 

Tool 2: setting myself up for success

 

Today for instance, I could predict that when I was ready to sit down and prepare this podcast, that my “this is not good enough” thoughts would shout at me.

 

I set myself up for success by anticipating the inner critic and have a plan in place that supports me. Here, I’ll make sure to add some space for when my inner critic will come out and be extra intentional at that time. So I plan for more time than I need to write the podcast so that I can pause and interrupt the brain drama or move my body or really get in my body and see what else is available for me to believe about myself.

 

Tool 3: reminders on my phone

 

The third tool that I use is reminders on my phone to help me remember all these things as I go along in my day. There’s just no way I’ll remember to pause if I don’t put a reminder somewhere and for me that’s my phone.

 

Notice that I’m using my Oneness to my advantage with every tool and I engage not just my mind but also my entire being to support myself on the daily.

 

Experiment until you find what works for you!

 

Listen to full episode HERE 

 

Resources:

The Road Back to You

Free How to Stop Frustration Spin Now

 


 

Transcript

 

Welcome every One, you are listening to The Enneagram One Project Podcast, episode 3 - How to support ourselves daily as Ones

 

So fun to have you here with me for what I think is a really fun, practical, hands on introduction to the many ways we can support ourselves daily as Ones.

 

This is a particularly important episode because a lot of Ones don’t have the tools to support themselves and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t. 

 

I remember having this complete sense of relief and liberation when I read the description of a One in the book “the road back to you” but I know that that is not the case for each One.

 

The reason this was my experience, I think, is because I was already certified as a life coach by then, more specifically, in a mindset, causal coaching approach and so I already had an extensive tool-belt of mindset tools, techniques and concepts. I had hundreds of hours of coaching clients and even more hours of self coaching under my belt. That’s not the case for every One when they are introduced to the Enneagram.

 

When you don’t already have the toolbox, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed because you think that you have to change everything about yourself to be a “healthy” One. 

 

Side note, I’m not crazy with the terms used in the Enneagram community and books that term certain actions on a scale of unhealthy to healthy behavior of any given number. It gives this notion that we have to heal ourselves or fix ourselves instead of meeting ourselves where we are and supporting ourselves which I believe is a very important distinction to make. 

 

So this idea that you have to change everything about yourself is in itself problematic because it completely dismisses the gifts you have as a One.

 

That’s not to say that I’m opposed to change, growth, expansion, I’m all for it but I believe that every step toward self-acceptance is a step towards change from within out of self-love, self-care, and self-compassion, as opposed to changing out of self-loathing.

 

I want you to take a second and imagine you have a desire to reduce the amount of procrastination you do before completing a task or project.

 

How many try to change

 

Many will attempt to change from a place of self-loathing. You’ll know that’s where your coming from because when you look at how much you procrastinated before completing your last project, you make it mean something terrible about yourself or you make it mean something that supports the idea that you’re not good enough yet because you procrastinate. 

 

That looks something like you procrastinated for 3 hours before getting to the project you had planned to complete today, you make that mean that you’re not living up to your potential which creates this feeling of flawed. This feeling of flawed is not going to get your butt back to work or do differently next time, it’s actually going to fuel more self loathing, more self judgement, more time in your head beating yourself up. This is the long and painful way to change if change ever actually comes from this mindset.

 

Another option would be to operate from self care. In the same scenario where you procrastinated for 3 hours, you would make it mean some version of “oh right, Ones who are afraid of doing something imperfectly sometimes avoid doing the thing altogether” which is much more likely to create a feeling of recognized, seen or accepted. From acceptance, you are more likely to meet yourself where you are, notice the progress you’ve made where maybe in the past, you procrastinated for days and now it’s more like 3 hours and that will create forward momentum.

 

Beating ourselves adds resistance and conflict in front of revealing ourselves as being able to show up the way we want to show up and create the changes we want in our lives. It’s a mind made obstacle. 

 

My hope is that what I share with you today inspires you to try a few things but also gives you permission to try until you find techniques that work for you and be open to changing them over time as you change or learn new information.

 

3 techniques to support yourself daily

 

There are 3 things that I try to do everyday because I am more of my true self when I support myself in those ways. Let’s go over each tool real quick and then I’ll really get into them individually. The 3 techniques I utilize most are self-coaching, setting myself up for success, and setting reminders on my phone.

 

Self Coaching

 

Let’s talk about self coaching, what it is and how I adapted it for my unique Oneness.

 

Self-coaching is a form of self inquiry and awareness where you see what’s in your head space and ask yourself questions to dismantle whatever does not serve you. 

 

What I was taught to do is a brain dump, or a thought download where I write down everything I see in my brain. This can look like choosing a topic and free flowing on it specifically or really anything that’s floating around in your brain. 

 

Then look at the paper and see what are some thoughts there that may not be super helpful and question this thought that’s highlighted. You can do an extra step here like putting the thought in a self coaching model if you’re familiar with one. 

 

Really good questions to dismantle a thought or belief are “what are the benefits of keeping this thought?” “What else could be true in this situation?” “What patterns does this belief strengthen”? This will help you to see that what’s created in the mind in form of a thought is optional and you can be intentional if you so choose.

 

The way I’ve adapted my self coaching as a One is that I’ve added the embodied piece. Most often the thoughts that don’t serve me are thoughts that lead me to spinning out or staying stuck in my head in some way. I’ve decided to enlist the rest of my body to help me out when that happens. So when I notice frustration, anger, or resentment as being the emotion I feel, I’ll move my body so that the emotion is fully expressed and processed without anyone, even myself, getting caught in the storm. 

 

Here’s where you totally get to experiment, I am sensitive to sound and so I’ll put on certain songs and move to them until I feel a release. Be creative here. I’ve experimented with tensing up my body for a few seconds and then letting go, and that’s worked really well too.

 

If you’re not sure where to start when you get into spinning out because you’re feeling frustrated. I want to make sure you know I already have a free resource for you that you can download directly from my website. It’s a free guide to help you stop the frustration spin now, you can find it at dominiquevandal.com and I’ll put the link in the show notes as well. 

 

Ok so, do your brain dump, dismantle some of the thoughts, many of them will be habitual, default thoughts and pay attention to the emotion they evoke then make sure to complete the cycle of the emotion using your body.

 

Set yourself up for success

 

The next thing I do is make sure I am setting myself up for success. I’ll look at my planner for what’s coming up today and take just a moment or two to predict when my inner critic is likely to appear. 

 

Today for instance, I could predict that when I was ready to sit down and prepare this podcast, that my “this is not good enough” thoughts would shout at me. I could also predict that when I was done teaching a class today that my judge would likely say “here are the places you messed up”. 

 

I set myself up for success by anticipating the inner critic and have a plan in place that supports me. Here, I’ll make sure to add some space for when my inner critic will come out and be extra intentional at that time. So I plan for more time than I need to write the podcast so that I can pause and interrupt the brain drama or move my body or really get in my body and see what else is available for me to believe about myself. 

 

Important to note that I don’t force myself to believe something I don’t yet believe, empty mantras don’t work. What does work is being grounded and giving space for something different to be considered and then I try it on. It’s usually spot on too. 

 

For after my class I make sure to write down what did go well and look for unexpected moments I can delight in.

 

I try to keep it simple and not add too much extra work or time during my day to do this work and I was really surprised to see that I don’t need an extra 30 minutes, being intentional for 5 minutes at a time is tremendously helpful as a reset of sorts.

 

Phone reminders

 

The third tool that I use is reminders on my phone to help me remember all these things as I go along in my day. There’s just no way I’ll remember to pause if I don’t put a reminder somewhere and for me that’s my phone. For you it can be post-it notes, an app that plays a bell at specific times. Oh, I also create small lists in my notebook of the things I’ve tried that have worked well for me in the past. Like when I feel stuck I can just get my “when you get stuck list” and try any of those tips randomly.

 

Notice that I’m using my Oneness to my advantage with every tool and I engage not just my mind but also my entire being to support myself on the daily.

 

Ones have an amazing ability to see where improvements could be made for the benefit of themselves and also for humankind. While the inner critic is on full blast, they can’t bring out that goodness in a suitable way or in a way that is more likely to be well received and able to exact change in the world.

 

As for myself, I see so clearly that my own inner critic and my own sense of what is good enough is distorted. That’s why I use these tools. I have goodness to share and this goodness can help Ones and Perfectionists. I want to get the word out. In order to do that I have to support myself daily.

 

If you know Ones or perfectionists who could benefit from these tools, make sure you tell them about the podcast!

 

Love to each and every One!

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